


Tips for Being a Guardian

by Rayvee



Series: Hermitcraft Scattered AU [2]
Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Cleo giving Impulse Tips for Being Part Mob, Gen, Guardian!Impulse, Human!Cleo, Other Hermits are mentioned but do not appear, Scattered AU, What do you MEAN I need a title?!, idk what this is., no thoughts head empty, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28424658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayvee/pseuds/Rayvee
Summary: (Based on the Shattered AU from hermitcraftheadcanons)Impulse was lying on his bed, facing the wall. The back of his shirt was shredded, and Cleo could see orange spikes poking through it. A fin ran down his back, and the only sign the man was still conscious was the occasional twitch of his long tail.“Impulse?”“Go away, Cleo.”
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), ZombieCleo & ImpulseSV
Series: Hermitcraft Scattered AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2081970
Comments: 16
Kudos: 103





	Tips for Being a Guardian

**Author's Note:**

> [Information and the first masterpost for the Scattered AU can be found here.](https://hermitcraftheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/638327802787250176/this-is-a-collection-of-all-material-associated)  
> Yes, you need the context.

“Impulse?” Cleo tapped on the door. The wood felt strange under her fingers, the result of having a working nervous system after it was dulled for years.  
“Can I come in?” She hedged after several seconds of silence. The man inside the small hut gave a grunt that could’ve meant anything. Cleo took it as permission, though she probably would’ve entered no matter what Impulse’s response was.  
She was respectful like that.

She sat down on his crafting table, her back against the simple wooden wall. She crossed her arms.  
“No.”  
Impulse turned over, his now-luminous eyes glowering at her. She glared back, raising her chin slightly. Yes, Impulse was far more dangerous than he used to be. Yes, she could feel pain properly for once. Yes, she was slightly intimidated. But she was  _ not  _ going to show it. 

“This isn’t helping you, you know.” She said after a full minute of silence.  
“Sitting and moping. You do that, you get worse.”  
Impulse’s face changed, only slightly. He sat up.  
“What?”  
“You do Guardian stuff, you get more Guardian-y. Such as sitting in an enclosed space doing absolutely nothing.”  
Impulse blinked, opened his mouth to say something, but Cleo cut him off.  
“And if you do player things, you get more player-y. Mentally. Not physically. I feel like I should specify that.”  
“You sure?”  
“Impulse, I’ve spent more time as a zombie than as a human by this point. I know how this works.”  
He started to say something, then seemingly changed his mind.  


“But I-”  
“You what?”  
“I- I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m dangerous.” Impulse broke eye contact, glancing down at the bed.   
Cleo sighed.   
“Impulse, just think for a second. You’re dangerous, yes. But so are a lot of people. Mumbo has weird magic and a pet ravager. Doc exploded a couple days ago. Scar has Vex powers. I almost ate Stress’ face.”  
Impulse opened his mouth, displaying sharp teeth that reminded Cleo of an anglerfish.  
“False could procedurally kick each and every single one of our butts. Xisuma has an evil twin hell-bent on destroying the server. Grian has started two wars. Zedaph could probably build a doomsday device.”  
Impulse just gaped at her for a moment, clearly processing her words.

“But I’m not-”   
“Not what? Not human? Impulse, half the whitelist is part mob by now. Jevin’s a slime. Mumbo’s an Illager. Ren’s a wolf. Grian’s a fox. Scar’s a vex. Hypno’s a moobloom. Xisuma keeps changing. Doc’s a creeper cyborg thing. I’m going back to being a zombie the moment I can do it without biting someone. And I  _ refuse  _ to believe Joe is human.”  
That got a small smile out of him.  
“Sitting and worrying isn’t going to help you, Impulse. You need to  _ do  _ something. You don’t want to be near people as a precaution? Fine. Go mining. Design one of your ridiculous farms. Build an auto smelter. Or an enormous pillar. Decorate your house. Go fishing- actually, no, wait. Bad idea. But- look, you get the point.”

Impulse blinked.  
“Why do I get the feeling you’ve had this conversation before?”  
“I have.”  
He seemed surprised. “With who?”   
“Joe. Who else?”  
He just gave her a confused look as she rose, wincing at the stiffness of her back. Once, she’d never thought she’d hate being alive.  __ Now look at me.  
She sighed.  
“Honestly, Impulse, did you think I was  __ always  happy being a zombie?”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what's possessed me to make this.  
> Honestly Cleo is not the most comforting presence but the only other mob person who's used to being a mob person and is at spawn is Doc, who is probably less comforting than Cleo is.  
> Honestly this thing is a mess but it wanted to be written and written it is. The original concept was 'Cleo gives Impulse methods of managing his new Guardian instincts' and wound up evolving (devolving?) into 'Cleo tells Impulse to stop moping and drags him out of his hut.'
> 
> Yeah, I don't know. I'm tired. Help.


End file.
